Losing someone in your life is extremely hard, but what that person happens to be your mother or father, something breaks inside of you. Something that you didn't even know existed until it's broken, and the worst part, you can't fix it because the pieces just aren't there. Losing parents at a young age, I personally think is harder. Obviously losing a parent is hard in general but when your are younger, lets say a small child it affects you in ways you won't quite figure out ever. Sadly you can't, and you will always be wondering why. Now moving foreword, what about the people who have lost their parents lets say 21. Me. What happens when you lose everything and are at risk of being homeless because you lost everything in a blink of an eye. What happens when you have no idea how to live your life because your parents are gone but everyone around you expects you to know what to do because your parents should have taught you those things, obviously. Then it dawns on you, you will live most of your life without your parents. The fear sinks in that you will forget their voices. You constantly want to make them proud, and constantly want to talk to them one last time. Every single achievement in your life, every heartbreak, every hard time is magnified. What do you do and who do you go to. Some of you wonder how you would be different if things didn't turn out the way that they are now. Some of you may be or have felt resentment. HOW. DARE. THEY. LEAVE. ME? What did I ever do? What did I do to deserve this? The answer is, nothing.
Everyone always says time will heal all things. That is crazy. Time will however make it easier. But I am here to tell you that there will always be times in our lives where the only thing that could make situations a little bit better would be a hug or kiss from our parents. Holidays, birthdays, weddings, births, all of those things are a very sentimental time. A smell, a picture, a place, a feel of a blanket can set you off into a world of deep grief.
I advise you all to understand deep in your hearts that it is ok to be weak. It is ok to cry. It is ok to say that you are not ok. Not everyone is always ok. Holding on to the belief that you are not aloud to ask for help or not able to cry is ridiculous. Letting people in can be hard and honestly a lot harder if you have lost people so close to you. In my experience, God is the only reason I am living right now. I had made some really stupid decisions and thought of some really horrible things when my parents passed away. I decided after a while I should let God be my father if that is what I grew up hearing about. However I will tell you, that isn't easy either. WHAT? I know right, a Christian admittedly saying that trusting God is really hard. Yeah I said it, and it's true. Every single day I have to remind myself that I am God's daughter and that He will take care of me. I have to do that everyday for the past 3 years. I still don't seem to get it, but God does. God has really intervened.
I have a place to live and a good job, and a family and friends who care for me. I have a wonderful fiance. Let me just add losing your parents really seems to mess up your future relationships. Trust. Trust is something that is very rarely seen. Abandonment is an everlasting thought. I have Jesus to tell me it's not true, but only I have the power to believe it's not true. Ah patience, patience is something that we all have to learn. My wedding is in April and I would give anything to have my parents at my wedding. Another dibbit in my field of life, but God seems to be growing flowers, slowly, where the dibits were.
This Christmas is the 4th Christmas without my mother, the 5th without my father, and the 1st with my fiance. My life has become an never ending battle of grief and happiness. Grief never really goes away, it does get easier, especially when God blesses you with so many blessings. God bless all of you. I promise things do get easier. Just trust that God will take care of you, no matter how hard it gets.
